To much time and to much fear - my killers of creativity.

Having nothing to do kills creativity faster than anything that I have ever known. It's not like I don't have chores that I should be spending my time on and wouldn't take as long to do if just jumped up and did them, but now nearing the eight month of my pregnancy I just don't have the energy to do much for a long periods of time. This dilemma has resulted in me sitting in the comfy chair in my living room more than is healthy. I sit there almost all day watching some tv show, as the day slips by.

I could be writing but I can't even muster up the enthusiasm to do that. My brain just completely shuts down at the mere thought, which is very frustrating. I have all the time in the world to be working on the novel and all I do is waste it. 

The second thing that is killing my creativity is fear. It's been almost six months since I have written a full scene and now that I am ready to dive back in, it terrifies me. I feel lost and without a sense of control. I come up with endless excuses as why I should not start, I don't know enough about this scene, I don't know the characters well enough, I have to plan more scenes ahead. The list goes on and on and none of them are all that good, most of these excuses aren't even true. 

I know enough about the first few chapters that I should have no problem writing them, and if anything I would probably have a great time with them and learn the things that I will need later on. But I deprive myself of the experience and enjoyment by constantly postponing the writing. 

There will never come a perfect time to start and any time is better than never doing it at all, so why wait, why make this fear control me. I need to face the fact that the first draft will not be the final version and it's alright to make as many mistakes with in it as humanly possible. It's the first draft, it's supposed to stink. It's supposed to be the worst version of the story. The novel can only improve after the first draft has been written, never before. 

I have a second deadline to start writing, April 1 , as the other one didn't take. For an added pressure I am going to write 50,000 words over the month of April as a part of Camp Nano. Now I am wondering why I am waiting for April 1 to start writing, will it be any easier then than it is now. Shouldn't I be using the next week to getting in the rithm of writing. To get over the fear and into the flow. 

I need to jump in and get over my fear by submerging myself in it. That way I will have conquered both the writers block and my insane boredom.  I hope I have the self control to force myself to do this.